Illustration by Pamela Coleman Smith

 

It’s about time we got the fun sex talk back into Xpress Magazine. It’s a rite of passage on any college campus! Why ignore something many of us think about so often, anyway? We don’t want it to be this weird, exciting, scary topic that’s ignored — we want it to be this weird, exciting, scary topic that we all talk about, that we address. We’ve read about the hookups and sexual escapades on campus that are dumped all over the SF State confessions page. We have seen the hand-carved declarations on the bathroom walls: “I rocked his world in this stall.” So we’re going to talk about it from a guy’s perspective and a girl’s view. We’re going to lay out our experiences and honest opinions about hook-ups, awkward sexual encounters, scary adventures, misunderstandings — all of it, from both Jay’s and Hillary’s perspective. We’re going to make Sundays sexy. And if there’s something you’d like to hear about, write a comment or send an email.

And with that, welcome to the first post for this column! Today’s topic: Have you ever faked an orgasm?

I have faked an orgasm once, maybe twice before. Not because I wasn’t into the person or they couldn’t make me feel good. But because, for some reason, it wasn’t happening. And I could tell they were trying. I faked it because I could tell they wanted to make me feel really amazing. And I don’t regret faking it either. Here’s why. When somebody makes me something, or does something nice for me, I want to say thank you. I want to show them I value the effort they put in.

So I faked the big O only in situations where 1. I cared about the person, and relationship, and 2. Nine times out of ten, they were able to get me there, easily. Every once in a while, a person will fake it, and in my experience, it doesn’t mean much.

This isn’t crazy. We all do it… with everything. We fake liking entrees loved ones made us. We fake having a good time at a movie that our best was dying to see. I gave my best friend a gag gift for Christmas. And when she opened the horrendous jewelry, “hair mascara” (yes, it’s a real thing) and neon bright lipstick, she did something insane. She planted a huge smile on her face, grabbed me for a hug, and thanked me. She was faking it.

Is it so much more “immoral” to fake this, simply because it’s sexual?

I’m not saying we should fake it often. And I’m also not saying that we should have a sexual relationship with a person who can’t make you float in bed. Because, seriously, I’m all about being fulfilled in that way. But on rare occasions, when they’re trying, trying and it’s still not happening, I don’t see anything wrong with faking it just that one time. I rather pretend once than make them feel like they aren’t great. If the next time you two go at it, and still nothing, that’s a different story. I’d say, “I’m sorry, babe, but… just, not feeling that. Let’s try it this way.” Because that’s not so hard either.