Sex Talk Sundays with Jay


Photo by jean_koulev via Flickr


After being on a hiatus and with finals ramping up, Hillary and I will be doing our last post for the semester. We have come a long way, and our last topic is dirty talk. Does one need it to kink up the sex or not?

So many of us crave it during sex, yet we often feel awkward doing or asking for it. Why do you want to talk dirty to your partner? Why do you want to call your girlfriend a filthy little slut? Because it’s hot. That’s why. It will turn you and your partner on, if you let it happen, that is.

Talking dirty is a skill that all men should master. It’s a great way to turn him or her on. But it’s not easy, and there’s no right or wrong way to do it because every relationship is different and every person likes different things. There’s a fine line between dirty talk and disgusting talk, and it’s hard to find a balance.

Now there’s nothing wrong with wanting to explore the mind’s darker fantasies – to play into a sexual scenario in the privacy of the master bedroom. You shouldn’t feel like a pervert just because you want to vocalize your sexual wants, whatever those wants may be. Talking dirty adds a layer to your cultivated sexual experience.

It can bring you closer to your partner and allow you to explore avenues you may have never ventured through before. It’s nothing to ashamed of; after all it’s sex. It’s supposed to be dirty, erotic, and most of all fun. The hardest part about talking dirty isn’t getting your partner’s permission, it’s coming up with what to say. If you need ideas, erotic literature is a good place to start, and no, I’m not referring to 50 Shades of Grey.

Unlike the library where you have to be subtle and quiet, this isn’t the case when it comes to dirty talk. Raise your voice. There’s a perfectly scientific explanation as to why we say the things we say in the bedroom.

Talking dirty to your partner doesn’t mean you want to degrade him or her. By calling your partner a “little whore,” you’re not actually saying your partner is a whore. You’re simply playing into a fantasy – a change of pace and social placement. If anything, being able to say those dirty, explicit things only emphasizes the trust and intimacy the two of you have as a couple.

If pillow talk makes you and your partner feel more silly than sexy, don’t beat yourself up over it. Ultimately, if you decide that talking dirty isn’t your thing, still having gone there and taken that risk will bring you closer together and make your sex life better no matter what.

If you have any tips, questions or suggestions for future Sex Talk Sunday topics, feel free to tweet me at @WWJAYD.