Five Drought-Savvy Ways to Conserve Water
Michael Leri
April 23, 2015
Here at Xpress Magazine, we posted an article listing ways to save our dying planet. Those are nice but they didn't touch on the bigger issue. Although global warming is a false ploy pushed on us by liberals who want to get elected, California is quickly drying out. I've done my civic duty by compiling ...
The Teardown: Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard
Michael Leri
April 2, 2015
Platforms: PS3, Xbox 360 Release Date: February 26, 2009 Average Scores: 51, 53 I love Will Arnett. If I could only send out six invites to my next birthday party, I'd send at least four of the invitations to his house to make sure that he got the message on the off chance that he’d actually show up...
The Teardown: The Walking Dead: Survival Instinct
Michael Leri
March 19, 2015
Millions upon millions of people flock to AMC's The Walking Dead each week, much like an actual flock of zombies. Millions of people also flocked to Telltale Games’ brilliant adventure game based on the series. You’d think going two for two would be a good place to call it quits but that would jus...
OlliOlli 2: Welcome to Olliwood Review
Michael Leri
March 17, 2015
Platforms: PS4, Playstation Vita Release Date: March 3, 2015 The first OlliOlli was the perfect arcadey skating game. Plain and simple. Nailing kickflips and crooked grinds was a sublime way to pass the time before bed or while pooping. A long list of increasingly difficult challenges and huge array of...
The Teardown: Aliens: Colonial Marines
Michael Leri
March 5, 2015
My dog pissed on me once. I don’t know why. I usually have to pay a tiny Asian woman to do that. However, this showed me early in life that your favorite things won’t hesitate to drop trou and use your body as a glorified toilet. However, nothing has prepared me for the Cleveland Steamer that Aliens: Col...
The Teardown: Escape Dead Island
Michael Leri
February 19, 2015
Platforms: PS3, Xbox 360, PC Release Date: November 18, 2014 Average Score: 40, 32, 52 I didn’t think it would happen, on the first Teardown of 2015 no less, but a game for this column finally broke me. I didn’t finish Escape Dead Island. However, I didn’t need to endure the entirety of the game to come to the conclusion tha...
“Saints Row IV: Re-Elected” Deserves Impeachment
Michael Leri
February 5, 2015
Saints Row IV was a colossal bummer on all fronts. Remastered games generally give titles a second chance to right the wrongs of its first release or at least yield a more convenient way to access the classics. There's a reason why companies keep gussying up old titles and putting them on new hardware. Co...
Photography in Polygons
Michael Leri
December 8, 2014
Video games, at their best, craft amazing, interactive worlds that yield escapism at its finest; the dark, blood-stained hallways of the Ishimura mining spaceship in Dead Space; the waist-deep Bostonian snow of Revolution-era America in Assassin’s Creed III; the dense Soviet Union rainforest filled...
The Teardown: Metro: Last Light: Redux
Michael Leri
November 20, 2014
Platforms: PS4, Xbox One, PC Release Date: August 26, 2014 Average Scores: 83, 84, 84 I saw the Gamefly envelope resting on my bed and my heart sank into my gut (which could have been Doritos-flavored Mountain Dew now that I think about it). I had one thought: "Fuck. This better not be another Ni...
The Resident Evil Within – The Evil Within Review
Michael Leri
November 14, 2014
Platforms: PS3, PS4, Xbox 360, Xbox One, PC Release Date: October 14, 2014 There has been nothing worse in gaming than Resident Evil's fall from grace. Of course it would take the series' father to rectify the many mistakes Capcom made in recent years with the once-coveted franchise.. Shinji Mikami, one of th...
The Teardown: Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z
Michael Leri
November 5, 2014
Platforms: PS3, Xbox 360, PC Release Date: March 18, 2014 Average Scores: 43, 50, 49 I am sorry, dear reader. I have failed you. But not as much as I failed myself. Just a few weeks ago, I made a promise to not play another new Ninja Gaiden game. I lied. I goofed. I fucked up. Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z shot through my mail...
Talking Dead with the Walking Dead
Michael Leri
October 30, 2014
It had been years since the outbreak. I had not seen an episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia since the start of the apocalypse. Mac had just lost his "mass" and Frank did not want to do the dishes. I wish my problems were as petty in these times of suffering. My short, dry sentences (that you ...
