Illustration by Pamela Coleman-Smith

Sex tapes, yay or nah?

Welcome back to Sex Talk Sundays. I wonder how many times you’ve thought about sex this week. Was it a lot? Well, you’re about to again, because this week’s topic is sex tapes… ohh, scandalous.

This is only my take. Have you ever logged on Facebook, seen that you had about 20 notifications, then clicked on them to find a photo of yourself mid-talk, eyes half open with about ten chins? Imagine that, but instead of finding that unflattering single photo, you discover a 10-minute gem of you and your partner twisting weirdly around with each other trying to look sexy. The angles are horrible, the lighting is horrible and the whole thing looks like a drawn-out spoof of some awkward American Pie scene.

Therein lie the two reasons I can’t see myself ever making a sex tape in the near future: leakage of the video, and the realization of how painfully awkward you may truly look while in the throes of hot, sweaty passion. We all have those moments when we feel like a million bucks. The air is blowing your hair back, you’re rocking some sweet-ass shirt, and you haven’t tripped in at least two blocks (Uh, that’s just me then?). Or you’re with someone, getting diggity down, and you just feel hot, because the moment is hot. That’s amazing, actually. And so I understand the impulse to record that moment. To capture that sexiness you’re feeling so you can dwell and revel in it later. It’s just that later it probably won’t look too hot, and may end up chilling your sex life. I want mine scalding hot!

If you’re the type who doesn’t care how you look in photos at all or who sees those photos, then friggen have at it! And have fun. And I’m a little bit jealous. But at least I can be my nerdy self and know that I’ll never log on to Facebook to find that horror film starring me titled Sex: Nice Try!