Sex Talk Sundays with Hillary


photo by Flickr user Akiko Photography

Photo by Akiko Photography


Hey coolio people. Welcome back to Sex Talk Sundays with this weirdo. Today’s topic: “Sex! How Soon is Too Soon?”

Dating and relationships are odd these days. The internet lets me find a potential “bae” in the same amount of time it lets me find the closest taco. The taco being the more important commodity. Anyways, this accessibility to romance, hookups and everything in between makes this question all the more pertinent. When is the “right” time to sleep with someone?

Hookups are one thing – a fleeting event both parties have recognized as nothing more than a fling of (hopefully) hot, passionate sex. But dating is a different story. It’s essentially you and another person agreeing to seek out something more than sex. I feel that dating has become super casual, because you CAN find a date so easily. It’s almost “no big deal” anymore. I don’t mean it’s not romantic or sweet or real anymore. Just that it’s… not as big a deal. And because of that, sex isn’t seen as big a deal anymore. Or that’s how I feel people see it now.

Still, I have my own limits for how soon I will sleep with a person. I also think this is such an individual preference. One that depends on how you view sex and what you want out of it at any given time in your life. At it’s best, I think sex is like a Swiss army knife that can accomplish lots of wonderful things. It can make you feel amazing, physically. It can lighten your mood, mentally. And it can add incredible depth to the connection you have to someone you love.

Sometimes, a person just wants to feel physically good. Nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, they want to feel mentally good. Nothing wrong with that. But I want the whole enchilada. I want to feel good physically, mentally, AND I want to build a fucking insane connection with someone I care about. Which is why when it comes to sleeping with someone, I will go for all three, which also means most times it will be after I’ve “hung out” (look at me, being so casual about dating) with someone more than a few times. And probably I’ve seen them do something embarrassing. And probably they’ve seen me do about 10 embarrassing things, like trip over a suitcase on the sidewalk and face plant.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with sleeping with someone on a first date. Maybe I will do that at some point in my life. But for now, I’m loving the trifecta.