Dear how do I deal with my roommate,
One of the many exciting things about starting college is having new roommates. Someone you can explore with, meet new people with and have this brand-new experience with. Many times, you will have a roommate that you are compatible with, and you two will become fast friends.
In other cases, not so much. I remember when I had my first college roommate, I was filled with hope and visions of going to mixers together and eating popcorn together while watching a movie in our tiny dorm room late at night. Wow, did that not pan out. In fact, this roommate was the polar opposite of me. She slept during the day, while I slept at night. She did not speak often or like to party, go out, etc., whereas I was trying to find new friends and explore social situations. At one point, I went away for the weekend and she and her boyfriend went through all my belongings, ate my food and made a mess of my side of the dorm room.
I was irate and knew I had to deal with this behavior, but did not know how to handle the situation. It’s tricky having to confront people you live with, right? There’s nothing more difficult than living with people in angst. So, I sought out advice as to how to handle it. I went to the guidance center and spoke to a therapist. This is what she said:
- Deal with the situation head-on, factually and quickly
- Set clear boundaries about what you need and discuss items you are willing to compromise on
- Set house ground rules (for example: we share only things we agree upon, give roommate a heads up on any guest who might stay overnight, etc.)
- Treat each other with respect and listen to each other’s perspectives
- If in the end, these rules are not adhered to, you have to do what is right for you to ensure your college experience is a great one. Sometimes, that might even mean moving out.
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